Breaking up and making up is the premise of this type of toxic relationship. Even though you’re a strong person you can’t seem to break the spell. And for some reason you can’t grasp the idea that there is someone out there far more suitable for you and your needs.

The cause of these on and off relationships tends to be a number of any of the following factors:

• Immaturity
• Timing
• Incompatibility
• Losing yourself
• Imbalance
• Uncertainty

Sometimes no matter how hard it is you have to face the fact that it is nearly impossible to get along with someone, even if you have great sexual chemistry. However, in a healthy relationship you have to accept the good and the bad. If you’re not willing to accept it all there will be a lot of clashing. Also, these on and off relationships have many red flags to watch for like not looking at the obvious signs of incompatibility or different values. Uncertainty plays a key role in breaking up and getting back together. It’s hard. You really love and care for someone but you don’t know if it’s right. You’ll break up but then miss them so much you want them back. It’s selfish but simply a human instinct.

Most people at some point in their lives have had this toxic relationship. And in the end when you leave it behind and find happiness on your own you can finally smile without a doubt in your mind.

If only it was this simple. In the battle of the sexes, the scales tip back and forth. Tipping the scales in favor of the feminine way is the phenomenon I affectionately call “The Circle of Death”. A group of girls with an unbreakable code of “I just want to dance with my girls tonight” form an impenetrable wall of estrogen like they were 2nd graders playing a game of Red Rover. Many men go in, all subsequently get thrown the fuck out.

Ladies, start the night out with too much wine, grab your place on the dance floor, and dance your heart out with utter disdain for every man within a 70 mile radius. Gentlemen, though it looks like a sure thing (lots of drunk girls dancing together, what could be easier?) I assure you, the circle is not meant for you and I.

Not that they aren’t aware of this because this is the time for them to show off all the moves they’ve been learning in stripper pole cardio. The circle is meant to teach men a lesson, and it’s one that we won’t learn anytime soon. Sure, there are times when you are able to get in a good 10-15 seconds of grinding on a girl’s ass before she even notices your half erection in the “no-fly zone” but when the testis-detector finally goes off, the road crew will be there quickly to make sure you move on and shove off.

-Male Guest Blogger

This is of course easier said than done. So how do we find this person? Perhaps we are looking too hard, we find ourselves fantasizing about this perfect person; the supermodel we can show off to our guy friends, or the millionaire football player that will make the other girls jealous. However, in the end will any of these things make us happy? In order to find someone to spend the rest of our lives with we must search for compatibility. It’s one thing to meet someone who makes your stomach rumble like a first kiss all over again, it’s another thing to find someone to stand next to you day in and day out. To be compatible with someone you must first be able to be yourself. I have found that there are very few people in this world who I can be my true self around. Perhaps this is because in order to be your true self you must expose your weaknesses.

It’s a beautiful thing when you can be your true self around someone all of the time. This is the essence of successful relationship. If you find someone you can be your true self around that means you have found someone that you trust, someone you can tell anything to, someone you know will be there for you when you need them most. My point here is this; while we are out there searching for the “perfect” person to fulfill our fantasy, we are merely asking for more pain as this person does not exist. Perhaps we should accept that there is no perfect person and look for compatibility rather than perfection; someone we can trust; whose shortcomings we can accept and overcome. I pray I find this person or discover they already exist in my life. There is nothing more beautiful than holding the same persons hand 60 years later and looking in their eyes knowing you still love them as much as day 1. I truly believe that finding someone who will stand next to you day after day no matter how hard the battle ahead will make you happier in the long run than the perfect person that we can only fantasize about.

Next time you are wondering who would make you happy, it may be worth considering those who don’t fit in the role you dreamed your significant other to play (financially, looks, prestige, etc…) but who can offer you the opportunity to be yourself; the only way two people can ever be compatible. The excitement of a new relationship only lasts so long, after that there must be something more to fall back on.

Some have asked, “Why is it wrong to have sex with someone that you are in a committed relationship with?”  Define committed.  I looked it up. Webster says, “Give in trust, to pledge, to bind.” 

Sounds like marriage to me. Or at least the way it was intended to be. You know, for better, for worse for richer for poorer, all that good stuff. I went to a wedding a while back where they changed the vows to better suit the way some look at marriage now. They said "For as long  as we both shall love."  The elderly lady sitting next to me said, "Well how long is that? Next Tuesday ?" She made a very valid point. There are times when we don't necessarily have "love" (warm fuzzy) feelings for a spouse. 

Everything you're feeling has been felt before.

News flash – sometimes they don't feel warm and fuzzy towards you. But when you have committed, pledged, promised, bound yourself in marriage you stick it out. 

See, "feelings” are very fickle things. They can change with the weather. Or your hormones. You may think that your love is so special that the rules don't apply to you like they do to the rest of us mere mortals. But truly, there is nothing new under the sun. Everything you're feeling has been felt before.

That's why, not that long ago, a daddy would be perfectly justified in forcing a marriage or dismembering any one who "dishonored " his daughter. She was to be protected from such a disaster at all costs. Now he is forced to sit and have Christmas dinner with the guy his baby is shacking up with and be "open minded" about it.

Girls, all that sexual equality crap the feminists fought for back in the '60s? It was a horrible trap that left so many being raised without their daddy, so many woman struggling to be single parents, countless millions to deal with abortion issues, and left a horrible drain on society as government tried to fill the daddy gap. 

Did you know that the human papilloma virus, the one they want to inoculate our pubescent daughters with, is a sexually transmitted disease? 

Did you know that after my entire adult life of getting pap smears every year a new doctor said that they were not needed because I was in a monogamous relationship. No doctor had ever taken that into consideration or bothered to inform me. I was always told the pap smears were to screen for cervical cancer. It became standard procedure because sexual promiscuity is prevalent and it was easier that way.

Ugh, what a mess we have made with all this humping like bunny rabbits. And this is just the tip of that proverbial iceberg. Why take a chance for mediocre sex with a guy who might not be around next year? You may think your sex life is wonderful now, but after 30 years with my husband, guess what. It's better…way better.

In light of this generation's lack of being educated on morality, how can we expect them to know even the basics? They grew up watching their parents cheat, divorce, and shack up with new partners. Then the parents, to their shame, and not wanting to be hypocritical, did not teach their children.

In an effort to stop the downward spiral, I would respectfully like to educate.

I have been married for over 30 years to the same man. I still love him. Even more than when we were married. I know fidelity. Before we were married we were both promiscuous. I know infidelity.

In our desperation to find the right person, we sacrifice what we know in our hearts is true.

My 10-year-old grandson was in the car with me when he saw a billboard that prompted this question, “Gammy, what are STDs?” I responded with the truth, “Sexually transmitted diseases.” I continued to explain, “When people have sex with different people they can pass on certain viruses that can be very serious. That is one reason you should only have sex with the person you are married to.”

He is just old enough to know the mechanics of sex, but finds it very uncomfortable to discuss. But asks me questions because he knows I'll be honest. And I'll be honest with you. I look at this way:

• Healthy sexual relations with your spouse means you come to know each other
• No fear of disease
• No fear of babies being raised without two committed parents
• No fear of being used and discarded
• You grow old together

Our increasing awareness of what is wrong in our lives points us back to the saying, “There is nothing new under the sun.” The relationship rules that were put in place thousands of years ago were to protect us. Why are we trying to build another wheel? In our desperation to find the right person, we sacrifice what we know in our hearts is true.

I want to say again, I know infidelity. I understand what goes on when decisions are made and the consequences that are paid. I have compassion for those who are hurting or have questions about relationships. I am compelled to speak out and offer my experiences, my years of happiness along with my 20/20 vision from the past and seeing in living color what I could not see when I was in the midst of anguish and heartache.

Bodey is ready to answer your relationships questions! Send them in to manwhisperers@gmail.com!

Finally you're free from your parents’ reign and all the high-school drama, and you're more than eager to dive into the sea of hot single college boys.  Well, I hate to break it to you.  There might be hot guys in college, but their maturity level is that of a 10-year-old boy.  Due to the same freedom you're experiencing, college guys have managed to regress.   

The discovery of inadequate boyfriend material is totally depressing and you feel utterly betrayed by the adults who told you, “Oh just wait until college to meet your dream guy."  Boy were they wrong, the TRUTH is that the typical college guy is much harder to date than the high-school guys we grew up with.  Seriously, did something happen between graduation day and their first day of college?   It seems like all of a sudden they are either stage-5 clingers or emotionally unavailable (aka TOXIC). And upon further reflection, it’s almost absurd that they now see themselves as masters of their domain when they still can't even do their own laundry.  

Girls go to college hoping to meet the man of their dreams and guys go to college hoping to get laid.  Don’t be THAT girl!   The next thing you know you'll be on your back, staring at the ceiling in some dirty guy’s apartment.  Where do you think the "Walk of Shame" came from?  Not a pretty picture. 

College is a time to make great friends of both sexes.  It's a time to discover who you are, what you really want to be, what your values are, and how to win a dance-off when you're dressed up like a clown. Appreciate your girlfriends and focus on developing life-long friendships.  Be the girl who's confidence and security (while being single) makes even the hottest, most unattainable guys want to know who you are.  Then maybe they'll realize they have to give up their issues in order to impress you.

7 reasons why relationships are overrated in college

1. During your college years you meet more people than any other time of your life.  Why miss out on all the great times for an average dinner, an average guy, and probably less than average sex? 

2. Do you really want to spend your time training a guy when you're still trying to figure out who you are?

3. It's a small world, and college campuses are the tiniest places on earth. Picture running into the last person you want to see – day after day.

4. Girls nights and crazy dance parties…PRICELESS.

5. College is a time to explore, be free, and be spontaneous. 

6. After all, flirting couldn’t be more fun, harmless, carefree, and satisfying!

7. Who wants to deal with a cheating guy and potential embarrassment when you're just struggling to get through Physics?