Man Whisperers

Meaningless encounters, talks, and sex, is what encompasses a friend with benefits (FWB). It’s important to stop and ask yourself is this worth it? What seems to be harmless fun will quickly start spiraling down to feelings of no self worth, insecurity, and overwhelming feelings of doubt.

When you like your FWB's there is no way to get out of just feeling plain shitty when they don't love or even like you back (and probably never will). Girls neglect to realize that once something clicks in a guy and you enter into a certain category it is nearly impossible to get out of that category.

Initially, when I started hanging out with my FWB's I thought it was justified to hook up with him. I never wanted to fall for him and thought it'd be impossible. I didn't even like him that much. But how can it be justified to give yourself to some guy that you don't even like all in the name of a little booty?

Soon, instant pleasure no longer did the trick. It was only a matter of time before I needed something more and I tried to get it from him. There comes a point in this toxic relationship that you no longer have your pride intact. The FWB's can have some long term detrimental effects on your self esteem. All in all you're only making it easier for the guy. And everyone knows that guys are simply animalistic and like a little chase, so make them work for what they're getting!

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“Toxicity is the degree to which something is able to produce illness or damage.” -Wikipedia

The men that drive us CRAZY… Here are some obvious signs that your man is TOXIC:

1. You sleep with a guy too quickly. If the guy is toxic you are doomed to hours of stressing. There's a low risk factor if you let loose with a dork in a ninja suit. But beware if the guy is in your league or above – or you at least think that he is.

2. When you spend an excessive amount of time with the guy. Seeing someone on a regular basis only increases your feelings for them, even if you were never that into them in the first place.

3. SPACE. A toxic guy knows to give you your space, and may even intentionally give you too much space for your comfort. This means he's unavailable a lot of the time and tends to only make the late night booty call. Booty calls can be great, but NOT when your man is toxic.

4. Rejection. When a guy rejects you and he is toxic it only makes you want him more. This can turn into an emotionally dangerous situation where you will do anything to keep his attention. Honestly, you never had his attention.

5. You think the connection is strong and chemistry is great. On the girl's side she is thinking she has this amazing guy and will not be able to find such a connection with anyone else. A toxic guy can make you think that you click, when it doesn't mean a THING to him.

6. Out of sight out of mind. Your toxic will treat you as if he doesn't care if you are there or not. He will not really want to see you, simply wants to see you under circumstances when you throw yourself at him or he's horny. Toxic will tell you things that make you think he is so into you but once you're out of sight these promises will not come true. Your toxic constantly let's you down.

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The conventional tell tale signs of the player are well known. He's the one with great game. The one with the legendary one night stands. He's got a nice car, nice clothes, great smile – maybe even a nice house – and he has his friends around all of the time so that he can show his skills to his boys. Although this guy is a player, it's not him that causes damage and breaks hearts, because at the end of the day if this guy plays you, it's because you wanted to get played. And let's face it, we all want to be played at some point in our lives.

The player to keep an eye out for is the insidious lesser known version. He's the one that no one ever talks about. He's the guy who broke your best friend's heart last week when she found out he was married with a kid on the way. This is the guy you need to spend some time trying to find, because if he finds you unaware and unprepared you may find yourself licking your wounds for months to come.

Ultimately, this is the guy who is willing to take more than he is willing to give – and what he gives costs a lot less than what he's willing to take. This player may have some of the same attributes as the conventional player, but his game is different. His game is all about him and you're only there to make him feel better about himself.

So, what should you be looking for so you don't get snared by this player? When you start dating does he immediately start having trouble giving you space, do bouts of jealousy start appearing for no apparent reason, and do you feel from time to time that you need to file a missing persons report to find him? If the answer is yes, then be aware. As soon as you start falling for this guy, he's working on his exit strategy. Unfortunately for you he's not worried about whether or not you're going to get hurt.

-by OMAR, Our Denver Based Male Guest Writer

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